Be My Valentine ~Love God

I stuck the beautiful heart-shaped cake in the oven. Then I added the potatoes, corn , and chicken  to the boiling water. It was that special time of year. This was going to be one Hot valentines day. After doing homework with the children I removed the cake from the oven and added red food coloring to the frosting. After I added the shrimp and crab to the water the kids and I frosted the cake.  I got the kids ready for bed early popping in their newest  Disney movie. We were going to have an in-house Valentines Day.  A half hour later I checked on the kids and they were sound asleep but he was still not home. I wonder what had happened. I wonder if he got in an accident. No call, No show,  I was really starting to worry. I try calling his cell phone and no answer. I waited another hour and finally I heard the exhaust pipes of his motorcycle. Whew, well at least he is safe. Two hours late but safe. He walked in the door, he reeked of alcohol. I couldn’t believe it. Valentines Day and he is out drinking with someone else possibly even some other woman. I hugged him as he walked through the door and told him I was worried about him. He became very angry and threw me up against the wall. He told me goodnight and went to bed. I was devastated. I never wanted to celebrate another Valentines Day again. The following year didn’t prove to be much better. Instead of getting chocolate and roses it was black eyes and bruises. On February 11, 2010 the abuse landed me in jail. Year 3 and yet another horrible Valentine memory. In 2011 once again I was in jail on Valentines day and 2012 , well lets just say at least I had my children in 2012. 2013 and 2014 missing my children more than anything and the Valentines Day was not helping in easing the pain. Today! Today, is February 14,2015 and guess what? My Valentines Day rocked. God woke me this morning saying Happy Valentines day Sweetheart. God has been whispering sweet nothings in my ears all day long. God is my rock, my strength and my Love for life. God is my number one Valentine and when he asked me to be my Valentine all my negative memories have faded away. Only God can take a mess and clean it up with Love. The best part about it is Gods love is so supernatural that no human on earth can be the Valentine that God is to be today and forever.

If you have never felt the love God can give you and want to know how click here

If you are in a domestic violence situation and need help click here

The Devil Made Me Do It!

 “The devil made me do it!” Eve told Adam,  and Adam told God, and we tell God. Is it not true Satan is behind all this discord? Wait, how come Satan is not getting punished for the choices I am making then. Satan had his consequences, he was thrown out of Heaven.   The Devil is also a  spirit therefore he can not be punished for our bad choices.As noted in Romans 8:28 we are punished by death for the acts we choose to commit. This verse explains we die for our sinful nature.  Please don’t be naïve , we sin everyday up to 24 hours in a day.  The stronger our relationship with God is the more we tend to sin. So what exactly is sin ?  Meriam-Webster has 2 main definitions of sin. I am not content with any of them really. My own definition would be; an act brought about from the ideas of Satan in which causes death to all humanity. The bible is very specific on recognizing not one sin is greater than another. So regardless of the magnitude of sin, the consequence is still spiritual death.  So this an idiotic, over zealous creature caused all humanity to be put to death. Well thank you Satan for dooming all of humanity.The good news is an Omniscient , creative,  passionate spirit of God came and saved us from this impending doom. Jesus’ life and death on earth rectified this dooming reality for all of us. Then  lets review some the most difficult questions. Do you believe a murderer is worthy of this grace? The bible says if the murderer accepts Christ before earthly death the  murderer has a home in heaven. What if the murderer dies before hearing the gospel, the good news, the redemptive power of Jesus blood? Will this man find his way into heaven?  God has a place in his heart for them as well.  I look back at my marriage and the man I married. He was a horrible husband and unfortunately still  is a horrible father to our children, I often ask God ” Will this man ever change?”  God tells me “Yes,  he has to make the choice to change. It’s not you who will change him ” I often  think of the things this man has done to us and think ” he does not deserve the grace of God!” but I have to put myself in check and know it is not up to me to decide whether he deserves the grace of God or not. Everyone deserves the grace of God. God is battling to continuously discontinue evil from this world. I assume He probably doesn’t need our added stress of being judgemental as well. We are renewed on this earth as we accept the grace of God. We will  be made new.  When I think of all my sin and stupidity, I think of Christ suffering and death.  He didn’t take on the sin of the world as a whole but rather took on the sin of each of us individually. Please, let us remember every time we choose to sin we add another thorn on his brow and mark on his back. Just a little to think about  before we chose to  deliberately defy God again.

If your in need of making a fresh commitment to Christ and accepting the grace God has given us , click here

Non-Sensical Rant. A Day in the Life of Me

Today hasn’t exactly went as planned. My day actually started at the end of my work shift last night. I got off a half hour early cause business was extremely slow. My total income for the night was $25  which only amounted to half of a bill overdue. In some ways I was happy I didn’t make it to church last sunday as I still had my tithe tucked away in an envelope in my purse. On the other hand I was forced to borrow God’s money and take control of a situation. This is never good.For this I am feeling much guilt. So maybe I did slap God in the face a little. At least I know I am forgiven. See finances is one thing God has been working with me on lately. Finances and time management. I tell you I am a hot mess! Oh yeah we are also working on my addiction to social media. So I went by the bank deposited $50 into my bank account and headed home. As I got into bed under the covers I managed to achieve my nightly goals of evening devotion and 15 minutes of reading. I really didn’t want to put my book down but I did. I fell fast asleep. My morning began later than usual. Reading blogs and text messages before even doing my morning devotion.Tsk Tsk. I spoke to a friend on the phone in an awesome God-given conversation but it threw me all off whack. I spent one too many hours on Facebook and before I knew it the time had gotten away from me. I received my afternoon text from my mom asking about lunch and my response was I hadn’t eaten yet. During my couple hours on Facebook I did manage sneak in a few goldfish crackers I had beside my bed but nope at 1 pm still no lunch. I finally convinced myself to get off Facebook , but not before leaving a crazy status update. The status read ” my goodness this day is running by so fast. I am off schedule and dealing with way to much.Please keep me in prayer , there is a lot I am wrestling with right now.Thanks, God Bless.” After posting my insane Facebook status I began working on my financial budget. Can anyone say, “HEADACHE!”  I am not sure how I am surviving financially these days. This has to be by the grace of God even though I borrowed his money last night. I spent a good hour on finances. I was looking for my In Touch Magazine and came across my bag of Trail Mix. Darn it,  I still havent eaten yet. So I grabbed the Trail Mix and headed over to WordPress. Now I am reading over blogs and picking the M&Ms out of my Trail Mix. I wonder why they put the little buggers in there to begin with. I am starting to notice the mix is becoming less of a mix and more of just M&Ms. So that is how I spent my Thursday afternoon. In another fifty minutes I will be showering and heading to work. Hopefully I will be blessed with enough money to pay God back and add what he is owed for the night. Have a good night y’all.

Remember God loves us no matter what the circumstances may be. We are all beautiful in his eyes. We have our daily short comings but he still will always love us and call us Children of God. Also life is too short to worry about the things that don’t always go as planned.

The Last Supper

 

~ MATTHEW 26:17-30~

Imagine for a moment you are disciple number 13. You are sitting in an old mans house relaxing with Jesus and the 12 disciples. Jesus begins talking of prophecy and betrayal. You begin to adopt a “not me” attitude just as the other 12 disciples. None of this is making sense. Then Jesus begins to talk about bread being his body and wine being his blood. I imagine that  you and the other disciples are just as confused as when Mary found out about the immaculate conception. Jesus hadn’t even been crucified yet. A modern name to this ritual is known as Communion. So what exactly is Communion and who observes this ritual?  Communion is a time in which we break bread in remembrance of the  body of Christ crucified and broken for us. The wine is symbolic of his blood that was shed for mankind to forgive us our sin. Some churches opt to use grape juice instead as there may be recovering alcoholics in the congregation. The blood was shed to forgive each and every one of us for the sin we commit. It was also shed to rectify the events that led to sin from Adam and Eve. Communion is a promise that Jesus will return once again and then partake in this ritual with us personally. I have observed communion in a few different churches and each church had their own ways of doing it. Each and every time we take Communion ,God is pleased with us. He is pleased whether we use leavened or unleavened bread , fermented or unfermented grape juice, are in a group or by ourselves.  Communion is not just a representation of the sacrifice Jesus made but the sacrifice God made as well.To honor both of them is an extremely humble feeling. I can not remember the first time I took communion but can definitely tell you that my views have definitely changed over the past 20 years of being a Christian. The church where I first observed communion at the ripe age of 12 practiced this ritual one time per month. The Pastors and Elders would stand at the altar with a loaf of bread and goblet of grape juice. I would walk up to the Pastor and break off a piece of bread. While breaking the bread the Pastor would say to me “This is Christ’s body broken for you”. I would then head over to the elder and dip my bread in the grape juice. As I did this the Elder would say ” This is the blood of Christ , Shed for you.” . I would return to my seat and sit in deep thought as the praise team sang a worship song. These are my earliest encounters with communion. I want to mention others in my church observed it differently after they broke the bread and drank the juice. I truly believe Communion is very personal and extremely individualized. Many memories and many missed communions later I found myself in that exact same line again. But something had changed. Now I began to hear the words of God clearer when I took communion. Looking back now I realize I had blocked the spirit from really living inside me. I would welcome him in for the few minutes to take communion but push him right back out as soon as I got what I needed. This only meant one thing, I was growing spiritually. My views on Communion were changing. After a few months of taking communion again my life took yet another turn. I had become incarcerated. With it being the season of Lent and Easter just a month away  I felt so distant from God. Even though I was breaking the rules, I took a piece of bread from my lunch and my koolaid packet into my cell. That night right before bed I took the bread and koolaid and said a little prayer over it. As I began eating the bread I said to myself , “This is the body of Christ broken for me.” I  then  took the koolaid and said , “This is the blood of Christ shed for me” . I felt clean and liberated. I felt free from the strongholds that were holding me back. I began doing this once a week. On Easter Sunday I chose to fast all day and at sundown I partook in communion individually one final time. I never viewed Communion the same again. I learned that I didn’t need to be at church or around people to take Communion. I learned what was really important was being in the presence of God and allow the spirit to permeate my body. Never would I take for granted the freedom of Communion again. Four years later and I am plugged into an extremely spirit filled church. This particular church partakes in communion on an individual basis. The tables are set up in all four corners of the church. We walk up and pick up a piece of unleavened bread and a small vial of juice.. Many of us stand against the wall to avoid being in the way of others. I stand there for a few minutes with my bread and juice in hand and just listen to God. I always thank God I am free to observe this ritual and remember the lonely girl in the cell who had to break the rules in order to observe Communion. After my silence I look at the bread and I say, ” This is the body broken for me, Thank you so much Jesus.” As I drink the juice I say, “Thank you for shedding your blood on the cross for me and making me a new creation.” I toss the little cup and head to the altar. While at the altar I get in sync with God. I allow the spirit to move through me and touch my body. He heals my wounds, forgives my wrongs , and assures me I am a beautiful Child of God. I do not take communion every week. I feel no need to. I will take communion if I had an extremely rough week or spent a good percentage of the week trying to do my will instead of God’s Will for my life. I sometimes even take Communion if I want to thank God for the many freedoms and things I have in my life. To me this is what it’s all about. Obeying God and being in sync with him. If I am wavering, if I am scared, if I am anxious, if I need a close encounter with God, I opt to take communion. If I committed a sin in which makes me feel like I am undeserving of Gods love and grace , I take communion. I am happy communion is available to me once a week. It allows me to get right with God and stay on the right track to spiritual maturity

New Year, New You

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!

~ 2 Corinthians 5:17~

 

The last 15 days my church had challenged us to do a fast as a tribute to the New Year. They were believing for great advancements for not just the church but the church body as well. I chose to fast social media. I was a little apprehensive considering facebook seems to be my modern-day crack. I literally went through withdrawal symptoms as any addict would. I am proud to say I  made it through. It was difficult at first but I was happy to enjoy the increase in my spirituality. We were challenged to spend at least 15 minutes a day in devotion. I replaced my facebook time with more wholesome Godly activities such as reading books, devotions, and spending time in prayer. This actually led to probably fifteen hours with God instead of fifteen minutes. This showed me how even though I was not as close to God last year,  His hand was still active in guiding me all throughout 2014.During the fast I was able to reflect on my completed goals for 2014 and make God inspired goals for 2015.  . On New Years Day 2014 I declared I would find love. Come January 2015 I am still single, So did I find love? I sure did! I found how God is  LOVE  , I figured out how to LOVE others beyond belief, even to LOVE the ones who had hurt me in the past, but most importantly I found a deep LOVE  for myself.  Along with falling in love with all the right people in 2014, I made great progress career wise. I passed my PTCE making myself a Certified Pharmacy Technician. I completed my churches leadership program and made great advancements in my spiritual life. I became more committed to my church as well as fulfilling the great commission. During my fasting season I had been reminded of August 2014 when I hit an advancement wall. By this time all my goals had been achieved.  I needed to set out to make new goals so I didn’t remain idle. I had learned 2 important things from this reflection. 1) I learned that throughout the year God will write many goals onto our heart and we are to obey them completely. This benefits us not just spiritually but mentally as well.  2) I need to resolve to make stronger goals for 2015. The fast gave me a chance to look back at my achievements and to look forward to my future. With all of our successes  in 2014 I am looking forward to celebrate our successes in 2015!

A Generous Heart

                                         

“They all gave out of their wealth; but she, out of her poverty, put in everything–all she had to live on.”

                                                                     ~Mark 12:24~

 

My children haven’t always had a lot . Both have been homeless living in a motor home not knowing where their next meal was coming from. Some adults have not even been where my children have been nor seen what my children have seen.  We were eating a nice meal at TGI Fridays when the Balloon Animal Artist came by.  At that moment realizing that we had no extra cash we politely declined.  My children’s Aunt dug in her purse and pulled out $2. She gave a dollar to each child. My son was adamant about getting a  balloon dog. My daughter politely asked if she may save her dollar for something else. The Aunt approved and my daughter stuck her dollar in her purse. As we all sat there observing the lady making a my son’s balloon,  my son kept saying he was going to pop it. He gave the lady the dollar and played with his new balloon puppy. We did get  him to exit the restaurant and walk over by the car before he decided to demolish the little thing. I guess boys will be boys. We asked my daughter what she was going to do with her dollar.  She contemplated getting something from the local dollar store. We had to pick up a few items for the children and the aunt and I were having an in-depth conversation so we walked over to Wal-Mart. As we entered the store, the  Salvation Army Bell ringer was outside. My 14 year old Angel pulled the dollar out her purse and dropped it in the bucket. It was a proud mommy moment. She had decided to give. Then she asked me ” Do you know why I give?” I said ” Why ,Honey?” She said “Because I know what its like to not have!” Unfortunately my children do know what it’s like to live in poverty, however it has sparked a generous spirit within my daughter.

Two weeks later and again my Angel was at Wal-Mart. This time she was with her grandmother and brother. Her grandmother called me on the telephone to tell me what had just happened with my daughter. She begins to tell me that they came in contact with a lady walking through the parking lot asking for money. I stop my mother mid story and said ” she gave the lady money?” My mother confirmed  with a puzzled tone in her voice. I said “I know, she’s a giver, she gave into the bucket at Wal-Mart a few weeks ago!” I am so proud to know that my daughter has such a wonderful characteristic about her, A generous Heart. Looking back, my daughter has always been a generous soul. She has always wanted to give her old toys to other children in need. She loves making sure her brother has everything he needs. The next time you see a donation bucket or someone asking for money, just think of the generous heart of a child. If a child can do this why can’t we? If children can understand this concept, why do we as adults have a hard time understanding it?

Divine Intervention

” It’s not love unless you feel some sort of pain for a soul so lost in a world of despair, you choose to pray for the one who has hurt you just as much as they have hurt themselves.”

 

The text read ” I have smoke meth every day for the past year now, I am up to a 1/2 oz a of meth daily. I have never been to this place before. If I don’t get help, I realize I am signing my own death certificate.”  When I read this my eyes filled up with tears. It was so heart wrenching.   I had been praying for this man, but is praying all I should have been doing? Maybe I should have resolved to do more?  He admits he needs help yet still continues on this path of self-destruction. He has even been labeled as being a threat to himself.  He is definitely at his lowest point and continues to  believe I am getting exactly what I want. . I have prayed for this man and I continue to pray for this man. In deep prayer for him the holy spirit pulled at my heart-strings. The spirit prompted me to send him a message of love. I struggled with this for 2 days. I knew he had hurt me a lot in the past.  I was not in the mood to have confrontation with him. After praying and  careful consideration I sent him a text. The text read ” God loves you B___ and I am praying for you. Sorry you are hurting.”  It would take  12 hours before I would get a response. As suspected the response was a blatant character assassination. God gave me peace in reading the message and self control in replying.  I chose not  to engage him. He is sick and does not know what he is doing.  It would be one day later he checked himself into a 90 day rehabilitation  program. It was a divine intervention. It’s not love unless you feel some sort of pain for a soul so lost in a world of desperation you choose to pray for the one who has hurt you just as much as they have hurt themselves.  I continue to  pray for this man daily that he makes it through the program and finds himself and a new identity in Christ Jesus.

My Identity in Being Single

” The antidote to loneliness is not found in marriage, at least not by itself. It is found in our relationship with God who is always with us , the true Lover of our soul. It is found in friends and family . And it is found in the family of faith, the eternal community of the church.”

                                                           ~Peter W. Chin

I have been single for 5 years now . Two failed marriages which brought about  two wonderful children. I often wonder if I am considered a true child of God because of my failed marriages. Upon biblical research I have discovered there are two categories to being single. There is the unmarried and then there is the widow. The unmarried seems to mimic the ones who are yet to be married and has yet to produce offspring. The widow is the woman who lost her husband to death. A widow is more likely to understand a single mother than an unmarried.  But if a single mother has never been married it seems she may not understand the dynamics of marriage therefore may not be as knowledgeable than a widow may be. This is where my  lack of identity in God comes into play. When I see the word unmarried in the bible I can not help but realize that is not the category for me. Then I read about the widow and once again discredit the category. I was beginning to think  I would  never fit in with the world or others in my church. I can sympathize in many ways however I am still not them. I read this article last week and found no encouragement as it was geared towards the unmarried. So that made me think, Am I justifiably single ? Am I loved by God and other Christian believers? Then I received a free download for a book titled .THRIVE. http://livingwithpower.org/products/7-day-thrive-challenge-download/. The book brought into perspective not just the unmarried but the widow as well. Now I had discredited being a widow but the more I read into it my true identity was revealed. I am a widow. Whew, I said it and now I feel like a true child of God.  Yes the man I had married is very much alive physically however he is very much spiritually and emotionally dead inside. I have spent nearly 5 years grieving the death of my marriage. How could anyone in such situations such as myself not qualify as being a widow? Now that I am familiar with identity what’s the next step?

 I was chatting with a co-worker and He told me he had been married once. Been there , done that. If you would have asked me five years ago my response would have been quite similar. Been there done that 2x and I don’t believe third time is the charm. Figuring out who I am as a Christian and my identity is the first key to contentment in being single. One being my relationship with God has grown and I truly believe God has another man in sight for my future. My true love, the one he has intended me to be with all along.   I believe  growth is a main key for me today, But being patient is more important . While patiently awaiting my true prince I focus a lot on becoming a Proverbs 31 Woman. I devote myself daily to becoming  a wonderful wife to my new husband. We are blessed that God loves us enough to trust us with being single. Even the Apostle Paul was content in being single discover for yourself in 1 Corinthians 7.

Simple Prayer:

Lord God Almighty, Thank you for loving me enough to reveal your will for my life. Please help to prepare me to be a Proverbs 31 woman and to stay content during my single years. Help to mold me and shape me into the best wife I can be for my future husband.

In Jesus Name

Amen