Yes I partake in Lent……..No I am not Catholic

               “Are you Catholic or Protestant?”

                            The little old woman sitting at my corner booth had asked

Then I was chatting with a fellow Christian friend and he was trying to route me to his recent blog post through Facebook!  I was confused, had he not read my earlier blog on Lent? With a quick reply I stated “It’s still lent”. His reply was  that he wasn’t catholic. Ugh, not again I thought to myself. Why is society so quick to judge a persons spiritual rituals on the denomination of a church rather than on their personal relationship with God. Where is a Christian individuality? Maybe that is a good topic for yet another blog. Back to Lent, Easter and Pentecost.  I do not celebrate Lent because of a certain denomination I belong too.  I honor Lent because of my own personal relationship with Christ. It’s an individual commitment I began making in 2011. Let me explain why. On Wednesday March 9, 2011; I didn’t  attend any church,  I did not get a cross of ashes made on my forehead. I had never observed a season of Lent in my life. I knew what Lent was, however I was never in a denomination in which observed the Lent season. My Pastor at the time did however encourage us to take time during this season and fast for 40 days. This encouragement was the beginning of breaking down the denomination barrier for me.Lent season is an opportunity to look deeply at your spiritual life. To remember the creator of humanity. To reflect on your sin and repent.I began petitioning God to reveal what He wanted me to Fast and began reading 40 day devotion. Days later it became evident I would not be completing that particular devotion. God’s plan led me to give up my freedom.  Lent season to the day of Pentecost has such a parallel to that particular season in my life, I am sure it was no coincidence.  All 40 days I got the opportunity to be in a controlled environment which gave me more time for daily devotion without an increase of worrying  about societal influences. I may not have been free in a worldly sense but I was slowly inching my way to freedom in a spiritual sense.We recieved spiritual feedings in jail but they were stagnant. You stood at the gate and only a certain amount of inmates from each block could attend. Sometimes I wouldn’t even stand in line knowing my belly was full and there were lost souls craving the food . On April 17, 2011 I was blessed to be one of the few to be selected to go to the Palm Sunday church service. I remember being spoken to about Palm Sunday and being guided on how to prepare our hearts for Easter. On Easter, God revealed His desire for me to do a NO TALK fast. I was to remain silent from sun up to sun down. I chose to be obedient . I prayed , meditated , and read God’s word all day long. I took a piece of bread and my koolaid from lunch so I could engage in private  Communion with God. I took communion in remembrance of what Jesus had done for us on Easter Sunday. At that point I was  halfway done with my sentence. In the following week  inmates were being released due to overcrowding.  I prayed my name would be pulled in the lottery. God had other plans. I had to serve out the sentence God had imposed not the one society had imposed. A few days after my release I would discover the significance. June 5, 2011 was Ascension Day. This date is not celebrated by Christians in our western society but is very crucial in the validity of Jesus Christ as our savior. It was the day Jesus ascended into heaven. Two days later my sentence would be completed and I would be free. Lent, Easter, and the Ascension mimic my season of incarceration and release. Four days later the holy spirit would move about my soul as it did on the day of Pentecost. This was the  beginning of a spiritual awakening to my soul. It was a personal closeness with God that brought about a new improved me.  Do you believe in coincidences or do you believe God had a plan all along. Jesus may have ascended to heaven over 2000 years ago but the remembrance of Jesus ascending in 2011 sparked a light for me to go and fulfill the great commission.

God’s Timing : Dating and Marriage

I am sure the Pastor was shaking his head at me as I was trying to justify dating while still being married. I have been separated for 5 years now and I am still not divorced. I have been seeing articles and books everywhere on dating and marriage. We are even in a message series at church on, you guessed it, Marriage!!!! There is no doubt God is using this season of my life in preparing me for marriage. The ex I am separated from is honestly one step away from death but he is not dead. His death probably would warrant a divorce however with my luck I would probably still have a hard time getting the dang thing granted. These days I  pray to God that by some miracle I will look online and it will say divorce granted. I probably have a better chance of winning the lottery and I don’t even play. In my defense I live 3000 miles away. In his defense he is so caught up in his addiction I wonder on a daily basis whether I am going to be informed he has passed.  I filed for divorce in 2010 and believe this shows intent to divorce. I used all these as strong points of convincing the Pastor I was ready to date. Then there is the part of me that is scared God’s greater plan involves a reconciliation between the two of us. This would become a great test of obedience and faith. One my annual goals for 2015 is to get the divorce finalized. For 3 months now I have been  planning and trying to figure out how to accomplish this goal.  So in the meantime, I was thinking I can meet some nice Christian God- fearing man. Spend the time getting to know him as I am working on obtaining the divorce.  As the divorce is finalized we can start  planning the wedding and walk straight from the courthouse to the chapel. Whoohoo what a plan, right?  Then Pastor says ” I think once the divorce is finalized you should have a season of waiting” Are you frigging kidding me ?!?!?!?! All the arguments swelled up in my head. I had to remind myself I was talking to my Pastor and that I had solicited his advice. In his mind I am sure he was thinking, she is not listening to me. In my mind I was telling myself that God was speaking to me and it was what I needed to hear and not debate. Its been five years of waiting and not to mentioned I hadn’t  been in a relationship in over three years. Well I did have a two-week relationship about a year ago. Too many red flags. But that don’t count, See I am responsible enough to make healthy relationship decisions. I know God loves me and I know its time to start dating. Ummm NOOOOOOOOOOO!  Pastor asked me a question ” How long you plan on being married this time?” I assumed he was asking this to test my knowledge on a healthy fruitful marriage. I was thinking if I answered correctly he would indeed retract his “season of waiting” concept. So I was like forever Pastor. This is true. I do want my next marriage to be my last marriage. I want a Christ centered marriage and like I had been saying for the past 4 years now, I want to do things right this time. I quickly learned that Pastor didn’t ask me that question because he was testing me , he was asking me to teach me about time. He broke it down so I looked into the future instead of being stuck in the moment. I am 35 right now. I still have till I am about 87 to live. If I get married when I am 37 we will still have a good strong 50 years of marriage ahead of us. That became  the ah ha moment of our conversation. I came to the conclusion that maybe I had been rushing things.  Will it really hurt to have another 2 strong years of spiritual growth? Not at all, I would rather have a healthy happy marriage ordained by God due to my obedience to God. Sometimes I wonder why we are in a hurry to do things. God is not in any hurry. This is one of the main reasons why I love living in Tennessee in oppose to California. The slower pace sells me every time. Even though the pace is slower out here society will always try to dictate a faster pace than God ever intends.

New Year, New You

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!

~ 2 Corinthians 5:17~

 

The last 15 days my church had challenged us to do a fast as a tribute to the New Year. They were believing for great advancements for not just the church but the church body as well. I chose to fast social media. I was a little apprehensive considering facebook seems to be my modern-day crack. I literally went through withdrawal symptoms as any addict would. I am proud to say I  made it through. It was difficult at first but I was happy to enjoy the increase in my spirituality. We were challenged to spend at least 15 minutes a day in devotion. I replaced my facebook time with more wholesome Godly activities such as reading books, devotions, and spending time in prayer. This actually led to probably fifteen hours with God instead of fifteen minutes. This showed me how even though I was not as close to God last year,  His hand was still active in guiding me all throughout 2014.During the fast I was able to reflect on my completed goals for 2014 and make God inspired goals for 2015.  . On New Years Day 2014 I declared I would find love. Come January 2015 I am still single, So did I find love? I sure did! I found how God is  LOVE  , I figured out how to LOVE others beyond belief, even to LOVE the ones who had hurt me in the past, but most importantly I found a deep LOVE  for myself.  Along with falling in love with all the right people in 2014, I made great progress career wise. I passed my PTCE making myself a Certified Pharmacy Technician. I completed my churches leadership program and made great advancements in my spiritual life. I became more committed to my church as well as fulfilling the great commission. During my fasting season I had been reminded of August 2014 when I hit an advancement wall. By this time all my goals had been achieved.  I needed to set out to make new goals so I didn’t remain idle. I had learned 2 important things from this reflection. 1) I learned that throughout the year God will write many goals onto our heart and we are to obey them completely. This benefits us not just spiritually but mentally as well.  2) I need to resolve to make stronger goals for 2015. The fast gave me a chance to look back at my achievements and to look forward to my future. With all of our successes  in 2014 I am looking forward to celebrate our successes in 2015!

Divine Intervention

” It’s not love unless you feel some sort of pain for a soul so lost in a world of despair, you choose to pray for the one who has hurt you just as much as they have hurt themselves.”

 

The text read ” I have smoke meth every day for the past year now, I am up to a 1/2 oz a of meth daily. I have never been to this place before. If I don’t get help, I realize I am signing my own death certificate.”  When I read this my eyes filled up with tears. It was so heart wrenching.   I had been praying for this man, but is praying all I should have been doing? Maybe I should have resolved to do more?  He admits he needs help yet still continues on this path of self-destruction. He has even been labeled as being a threat to himself.  He is definitely at his lowest point and continues to  believe I am getting exactly what I want. . I have prayed for this man and I continue to pray for this man. In deep prayer for him the holy spirit pulled at my heart-strings. The spirit prompted me to send him a message of love. I struggled with this for 2 days. I knew he had hurt me a lot in the past.  I was not in the mood to have confrontation with him. After praying and  careful consideration I sent him a text. The text read ” God loves you B___ and I am praying for you. Sorry you are hurting.”  It would take  12 hours before I would get a response. As suspected the response was a blatant character assassination. God gave me peace in reading the message and self control in replying.  I chose not  to engage him. He is sick and does not know what he is doing.  It would be one day later he checked himself into a 90 day rehabilitation  program. It was a divine intervention. It’s not love unless you feel some sort of pain for a soul so lost in a world of desperation you choose to pray for the one who has hurt you just as much as they have hurt themselves.  I continue to  pray for this man daily that he makes it through the program and finds himself and a new identity in Christ Jesus.

My Identity in Being Single

” The antidote to loneliness is not found in marriage, at least not by itself. It is found in our relationship with God who is always with us , the true Lover of our soul. It is found in friends and family . And it is found in the family of faith, the eternal community of the church.”

                                                           ~Peter W. Chin

I have been single for 5 years now . Two failed marriages which brought about  two wonderful children. I often wonder if I am considered a true child of God because of my failed marriages. Upon biblical research I have discovered there are two categories to being single. There is the unmarried and then there is the widow. The unmarried seems to mimic the ones who are yet to be married and has yet to produce offspring. The widow is the woman who lost her husband to death. A widow is more likely to understand a single mother than an unmarried.  But if a single mother has never been married it seems she may not understand the dynamics of marriage therefore may not be as knowledgeable than a widow may be. This is where my  lack of identity in God comes into play. When I see the word unmarried in the bible I can not help but realize that is not the category for me. Then I read about the widow and once again discredit the category. I was beginning to think  I would  never fit in with the world or others in my church. I can sympathize in many ways however I am still not them. I read this article last week and found no encouragement as it was geared towards the unmarried. So that made me think, Am I justifiably single ? Am I loved by God and other Christian believers? Then I received a free download for a book titled .THRIVE. http://livingwithpower.org/products/7-day-thrive-challenge-download/. The book brought into perspective not just the unmarried but the widow as well. Now I had discredited being a widow but the more I read into it my true identity was revealed. I am a widow. Whew, I said it and now I feel like a true child of God.  Yes the man I had married is very much alive physically however he is very much spiritually and emotionally dead inside. I have spent nearly 5 years grieving the death of my marriage. How could anyone in such situations such as myself not qualify as being a widow? Now that I am familiar with identity what’s the next step?

 I was chatting with a co-worker and He told me he had been married once. Been there , done that. If you would have asked me five years ago my response would have been quite similar. Been there done that 2x and I don’t believe third time is the charm. Figuring out who I am as a Christian and my identity is the first key to contentment in being single. One being my relationship with God has grown and I truly believe God has another man in sight for my future. My true love, the one he has intended me to be with all along.   I believe  growth is a main key for me today, But being patient is more important . While patiently awaiting my true prince I focus a lot on becoming a Proverbs 31 Woman. I devote myself daily to becoming  a wonderful wife to my new husband. We are blessed that God loves us enough to trust us with being single. Even the Apostle Paul was content in being single discover for yourself in 1 Corinthians 7.

Simple Prayer:

Lord God Almighty, Thank you for loving me enough to reveal your will for my life. Please help to prepare me to be a Proverbs 31 woman and to stay content during my single years. Help to mold me and shape me into the best wife I can be for my future husband.

In Jesus Name

Amen